


E vincerà

by SaintSaens



Category: Trust (TV 2018)
Genre: Be warned!, Character Study, Gen, I'm Sorry, Implied Aromantic Character, Love, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon, Stream of Consciousness, don't mind me, in passing, just Regina wondering what is wrong with Primo, most characters are mentioned - Freeform, or lack thereof, yes here it's all canon to the point where they even keep the 70s italian mentality!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28673454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaintSaens/pseuds/SaintSaens
Summary: When Regina watches Primo, she feels like she is missing a piece of the puzzle. His puzzle.She watches as he watches, a hawk among the other children.He catches her watching him. His eyes have always been startling.The eyes of his mother, she remembers. But it's not their color that makes everyone stop, and ponder. It's the way he uses them. How he watches, that makes you wonder.Bang Bang
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	E vincerà

**Author's Note:**

> Just Regina wondering about life and love in Primo's life... (this was just a back-to-writing work for me so nothing much, but I thought I might as well share? sorry in advance)
> 
> Disclaimer: Regina thinks "Love" but really thinks "Romantic Love." There are so many ways to love, do take the text below with the pinch of salt and context (ie. Italy in the 70s). Just because you don't love people romantically doesn't mean you can't love in all the other ways <3.
> 
> Title and lyrics inside: [Bang Bang by Dalida](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69U41WklpbI) (italian version ovvio)

She is in her kitchen, the cakes for the church are cooling on the plate behind her. The radio is singing, and Regina hums.

Spring is coming in, and the sun that never really left is finally warming up in the sky. The windows are opened, and the cool wind isn't as sharp as it used to be. 

Regina keeps on humming.

_< Mi ricordo quando noi, Eravamo due bambini>_

She washes the knife. It glints in the light.

Primo will be coming, anytime now.

It's sharp.

_< Puntavamo le pistole... _ _Bang, Bang >  
_

She thinks Primo wouldn't mind killing them all. If it meant protecting what he cared about.

She could tell, by the way he looked. The way he watched.

"He has her eyes." She had told Ludovico when they had buried Sandra. The man hadn't replied, but everyone knew. Primo had his mother's eyes. He just didn't look upon you with her benevolence. He watched. It must have been hard on Ludovico, to sustain such a gaze when she wasn't there anymore.

To sustain the way Primo looked into you.

_< E vincerà, chi al cuore colpirà>_

She remembers, the child who took every word in and never questioned anything he was told. Who took everything in and never gave anything back. Who looked at you, as if he could scavenge your soul, from your eyes alone.

She remembers how he always watched. Sometimes he would step in, reply, play with the others, but he always watched, with his eyes so shockingly light.

And yet.

_< Son passati gli anni e poi>_

Regina puts the knife down, takes the bowl full of water and washes away the dough.

She hears Francesco's laughter.

She remembers when he had been in school still, and he had punched Matteo so hard that the kid hadn't got up for a full minute afterwards.

All because of a bike.

She remembers when Salvatore had made him kill a goat, on the day of his confirmation, and he had just done it. No looking back, no doubt, no question asked. Everyone had cheered and clapped, but Primo had only looked as the goat was hanged.

He had watched. He didn't understand why they were like that.

_< Noi ci siamo innamorati>_

She remembers, when he had grown, and he had still been silent and solitary, and the girls his age had started batting their eyes at him.

Hitting on him.

She remembers.

He hadn't responded.

_< Correvamo per i prati>_

She had hoped so much, for him, that he would find someone to live with. A nice girl, who would love him, that he would love back.

That he would at least try.

She had hoped so much, and yet, she wasn't surprised when he didn't look back.

This kid, she knew deep down, love wasn't meant for him.

_< Bang, Bang, per ridere>_

There were the others, the boys who bragged about fucking a girl and leaving her behind, the ones who paraded with their girlfriend on their arm, or on the back of their bikes.

And Primo only watched.

_< Bang, Bang >_

_ <E vincerà>_

She remembers how she had steadily grown more frightened for him.

She remembers, Salvatore pestering him about it, as he killed and threatened and did what was asked of him, without blinking. She remembers when Salvatore could still see, what was wrong with him. When every other boy worth anything already had fidanzate and a ring. A home to go back to, a wife to wait for them too.

How Primo brushed him off, aloof. Focused, on something else, something more.

Which wasn't as trivial as love.

_< Chi al cuore colpirà>_

She remembers, how she had feared, he would be one of _those _.__ She remembers, asking Leo, in the dark of a summer night, watching over the herd at the back of the house.

Leo had frowned, and he had said "I don't know."

She had cried. Silently. In the night.

_< Ed ho sentito un colpo al cuore>_

She couldn't say what was worst.

To love, even someone wrong, someone not right. To be another one, like _that_.

Or to not love, at all.

To not have a heart.

To be entirely alone.

_< Bang, Bang, E resto qui, Bang Bang, A piangere>_

She remembers, how he watched. Everyone, everything. The same way.

As something to be dismantled, to be turned into pieces.

So that he would understand better. You, them, everything.

She remembers, the stark blankness behind his eyes. The moment when you would catch his gaze, and you would fall.

As if he waited only to drink your soul.

Regina remembers, how he listened. How he read. Everything that came his way, he drank it all the way he would look. Dire. Greedy.

Taking everything in.

Leaving you empty.

As if he could make sense of it, if he only focused on it.

Regina remembers how he would watch people and animals, movements at large, and see.

Bigger than anyone else. Further than everyone else.

He would see everything.

And she can't help thinking, love was never meant for him.

_< Bang, Bang, Hai vinto tu>_

Regina exhales, slowly.

_ <Bang, Bang, Il cuore non l'ho più> _

She wants to believe that it's better, if he stays on his own.

No one could handle such a look. Not for a minute. Not for a lifetime.

She couldn't, for a day. And she had known him all his life.

And Leo...

God knew he tried.

_< Come mi si stringe Il cuor>_

Primo would never know love, not truly. He could never love, as fully and wholly as they did.

Maybe that's why he won in the end, Regina can't help but believe.

He was always meant to win. Because you couldn't hurt his heart.

Not really.

_< Bang, Bang>_

A shout suddenly echoes from downstairs.

Regina hums under her breath as the radio cracks in the kitchen. She dries her hands and she hears again, Leo exasperated call for Francesco. From the other window, she can hear Primo's car already rolling up the drive, and the radio keeps up the tune.

_ <Bang, Bang, E vincerà, Bang Bang, Chi al cuore colpirà> _

"Primo's arrived!" Regina shouts out, prompting a rush of footsteps down the terrace. She takes the plate of cakes and leaves the kitchen before Primo even starts on the horn.

_ <Bang, Bang>_

_< Non lo scorderò mai> _

That's why he won in the end, Regina thinks. 

He won, and he was always meant to win.

He doesn't love, as they do.

He never will.

(She won't forget it)

She still smiles, when she sees him.

He is one of theirs, even if he won't be one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I've understood the utter lack of genuine romantic/sexual interest from Primo's character regarding anyone in this serie as him being aro at the very least if not aro/ace at most.*shrug* (it is absolutely unrelated to his rampant psycho tendencies.Just to be clear.)
> 
> (anyway this means this work will not interest a single soul, so thank you for reading to the end <3)
> 
> Quick translation of the lyrics (absolutely NOT in the song's order? really? to suit the text...): 
> 
> I remember when we were two children,  
> We were pointing our guns... Bang, Bang,  
> And will win, who will shot the heart.  
> The years went by and then,  
> We fell in love,  
> We ran through the fields,  
> Bang, Bang, to laugh,  
> Bang, Bang,  
> And will win,  
> Who will shot the heart,  
> And I felt a shot to the heart,  
> Bang, Bang, And I stay here, Bang, Bang, crying,  
> Bang, Bang, You've won,  
> Bang, Bang, I don't have a heart anymore,  
> How my heart aches,  
> Bang, Bang,  
> Bang Bang And will win, Bang Bang, who will shot the heart.  
> Bang Bang I'll never forget it.


End file.
